


no black and white in blue

by AndyAO3



Series: Shepard of the Galaxy [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Do I tag it with buttsex?, How Do I Tag, I don't know how to intelligently tag straight-up porn, It has buttsex in it, M/M, Misuse of Biotics, Oh my god there is a misuse of biotics tag, PWP, Porn Without Plot, There is a tag called How Do I Tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 03:26:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3554300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyAO3/pseuds/AndyAO3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan makes up for some of the lost time and missed opportunities by cherishing what he's got. </p>
<p>Straight-up smut written for Kaidan Porn Week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no black and white in blue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sticking this in the "Shepard of the Galaxy" series because it's in that same 'verse, and if you really wanna know timeline specifics, this is pretty much what happened after the fade to black at the end of Chapter 8 of the fic "Sanity Check".
> 
> It is shameless, largely plotless smut. Partly to prove that I CAN still write smut and partly because WHATEVER I FELT LIKE IT OKAY. Proofread by morphia@AO3 / morphia-writes@tumblr who is fantastic.

Shepard was not pretty.

His body was all hard planes and sharp angles. Flesh pulled tightly over a lanky frame. He had broad shoulders, but a narrow chest and an even narrower waist, and his compact muscle made everything about him seem long and lean. He had long legs, long arms, long hands and fingers and feet and toes, with a prominent skeletal structure to compliment it all.

Even his face was very sharp, very harsh. Just looking at his features, one might get the impression that he was a cold bastard, with his high, angular cheekbones, square jaw, thin lips, and jutting chin. His nose looked like it'd been broken more than once, all big and beakish and crooked. Relatively high, narrow, deep-set icy blue eyes were positioned just under a strong browline, with dark, fairly thick eyebrows completing the look. And that didn't even begin to go into the scarring, or the skin grafts, or the callouses.

It wasn't pretty. Kaidan knew that. But when he smoothed his hands over the hard planes of Shepard's abs, and scraped his teeth over the sharp angles of Shepard's collarbone, that little _shiver_? That soft _whine_ that slipped from Shepard's throat, as he tipped his head back and his brow furrowed?

That was fucking _beautiful_.

"Kaidan," Shepard breathed, whispered, _pleaded_. Long hands slid over Kaidan's back, Shepard's fingers gripping and kneading. Kaidan just chuckled, working his way further down, his mouth latching onto a nipple. Teasing it until it was hard as a pebble between his teeth and under his tongue.

Shepard writhed, dug his blunt nails into Kaidan's back, and _whimpered_. The sound went right to Kaidan's cock, and he exhaled hotly through his nose.

God, he loved to do this. Out in the field, or in front of the crew, Shepard was totally in control of both whatever situation he was in and himself. In private, though... _well_. Kaidan had been pleasantly surprised by just how much fun it was to watch Shepard come undone, once he'd discovered that Shepard would allow it. Even more fun was if he came out of it with a few bruises, bites, and scratches; that just meant Kaidan was doing things _right_.

"My turn tonight, Zach?" he mumbled against Shepard's skin, smirking at the way the man shuddered.

Three years of fantasies had built up an image in his mind of the Commander being assertive, and maybe even a little dominant. A few weeks of the real thing had blown those fantasies to pieces. And Kaidan had found that he could never get enough of the real thing.

"Fuck, yes, _please_ ," Shepard answered in a single breath, his voice cracking on the last syllable; probably because Kaidan's hand had trailed further down, finding Shepard's length, wrapping calloused fingers around him, stroking him too gently for him to find any relief in it. He already sounded wrecked. Kaidan glanced upward and grinned when he noticed that Shepard _looked_ wrecked, too. Damn if that wasn't a compliment.

So Kaidan kissed his way down the poorly-healed grafts along Shepard's ribs, and let go of Shepard's cock long enough to hook his arm under one long, powerful leg to pull it up over his shoulder. And then eventually he was moving even farther down along Shepard's body, taking hold of that narrow waist with his other hand.

He couldn't take all of Shepard's length down his throat; not yet. Kaidan was thicker (in a way that Shepard had said made his jaw hurt, although Shepard's tone at the time had made it sound like he wasn't complaining about it) but Shepard was long, and Kaidan didn't have enough practice. Probably wouldn't get the time for that kind of practice anytime soon, either.

That was fine, though, because a long, slow lick along the underside could make Shepard's hips jerk in Kaidan's grip. Kissing the tip, playing with the slit with his tongue, would have Shepard gripping the sheets. And taking the head into his mouth, sucking on it, maybe taking it a little deeper so that it bumped the roof of his mouth while he pressed his tongue underneath-- _that_. Was enough to earn Kaidan a bitten back groan and a hand in his hair, as the muscles in Shepard's strong thighs twitched and that carefully rebuilt spine arched.

Kaidan hummed inquisitively around the hard flesh in his mouth, glancing up at Shepard again. He received a breathless and mildly annoyed huff and long fingers tangling themselves even further in his hair in response, Shepard's head flopping back against the flat pillows.

Shepard wasn't undone. Not yet. Which was okay, because Kaidan was just getting started. He pulled away (after a couple more minutes had Shepard gasping and clutching at his hair), trailing kisses over Shepard's skin almost in apology as he moved back up along the man's body. Without letting go of Shepard's leg, he shifted his weight to his knees so he could stretch and reach for the bottle on the bedside table.

It bent the Commander's body at an interesting angle, but Shepard was nothing if not flexible. Sometimes moreso than Kaidan anticipated, in fact; at around the same time Kaidan was reaching for the lube, Shepard was hooking his other leg around Kaidan's waist, bending even more in the process of pulling Kaidan closer between that and the hand in the Major's hair. Then, with a mumble that sounded vaguely like "c'mere," he yanked Kaidan down for a needy kiss, and the older biotic was lost for a moment in the taste and the _feel_ of Shepard tugging him closer and _grinding_ against him, pulling a ragged sound out of his throat, almost making him fumble and drop the bottle.

_Almost_. Kaidan broke the kiss and ducked his head, breathed out against the sweat-damp skin of Shepard's neck to steady himself, but it was hard to think when Shepard laughed and Kaidan had to resist the urge to kiss him senseless because it was such a bright, _giddy_ sound that it made something in Kaidan's throat tighten with emotions he still had trouble believing in.

"Love it when you cut loose," Shepard said to him then, in a way that sounded a little like a purr of contentment. But there was an edge to it, too, a rough undertone of something _more_ , and Kaidan wanted to reply but what he wanted more than that was to hear more of that voice.

So he chuckled and dusted kisses over Shepard's neck, and moved the arm holding up Shepard's leg enough to be able to open the bottle using both his hands. All while Shepard made little petting motions through his hair - long fingers stopping just shy of the blistered skin around Kaidan's nearly burnt-out amp port - that were weirdly soothing.

He didn't need soothing, but it was nice anyway. "You ready?" he asked, pouring some of the slick, cool substance from the bottle onto his fingers and rubbing them together to warm it a bit.

Shepard smiled, all gentle and soft and maybe even _loving_ , like he had always trusted Kaidan and always would, like nothing in the world meant more to him, and it made Kaidan want to kiss him a thousand times over for every _second_ of those three years that they could've had if they hadn't both been so blind. "Yeah. Always." His tone said Kaidan didn't have to ask, but the older biotic always would anyway.

That was who he was. That was who they were, together. Two slightly broken men putting each other back together after having unintentionally smashed each other into pieces, with every touch and every shared breath having an undertone of apology. Everything had been forgiven, and the scars had long since healed, but both of them remembered, and both of them regretted.

All they could do was make up for lost time while they could, and appreciate the beautiful little things about each other that they'd missed.

"Okay," Kaidan murmured, smiling a little, himself. He shifted enough to set the bottle on the bedside table again, Shepard's hands falling away from him and going to grip the sheets in the process, but soon came back with a featherlight kiss against Shepard's faintly stubbled jaw as an apology for parting from him. Then, Kaidan moved his hand down to the man's entrance and carefully pressed a finger inside.

Shepard tipped his head back and let out a slow, steadying breath; Kaidan could feel the way he briefly tensed around the intrusion, and the way his leg muscles went taut for a moment. Neither of them had been a virgin when they found each other, but Shepard had been far more used to taking than being taken. He still needed a bit of time to breathe when he was on the receiving end of things. Kaidan was content to give him that, working him gently with one finger until he'd relaxed enough to handle a second.

"Doin' good, Zach," Kaidan whispered, smirking when it prompted a breathless little laugh, then smirking even wider when hooking his fingers just _so_ turned that laugh into a rough, low moan as Shepard's back curved and he tried to press himself further onto those fingers. The tip of his cock brushed Kaidan's abdomen, and it was somewhat of an ego boost to know that Shepard's interest hadn't flagged in the slightest. Adding a third finger didn't even make Shepard flinch, and pressing them into that spot again had the younger biotic biting his lower lip and rolling his hips to encourage more.

Even if there was nothing conventionally pretty about the man, the way his brow furrowed and his eyes squeezed shut as he fought to stay quiet, flushed and sweaty with his lip caught between his teeth, was a sight to see. One he'd thought for a little while that he might never get to see again when he'd been on Despoina, adrift on that vast and alien ocean.

But Shepard was fine, and safe, back on the _Normandy_ and in Kaidan's arms, and he wasn't going to let that go to waste again.

He pulled his fingers free with a faint wet sound, and started to move to reach for the bottle again, along with a condom, but Shepard stopped him with a strong hand on his shoulder. "Let me," Shepard breathed, so close to Kaidan's ear that it made him shiver.

Then Shepard was alight with blue as he briefly used his biotics to bring the lube and a condom from the drawer to his hands without them having to part from one another. The lingering sparks of it had Kaidan biting down on Shepard's neck to stifle a groan as long fingers rolled the condom over his shaft and slicked him up thoroughly, giving him a few quick strokes for good measure that had him gasping against Shepard's skin, made his hips jerk a little.

There was some shuffling, some awkwardness as they shifted again, not quite parting from each other but needing just enough space to reposition themselves so they could connect properly. Shepard wiped his hands hastily on the sheets and brought them up to pet Kaidan's shoulders and tangle in his hair while Kaidan was alligning himself, and the intimacy of those gestures made Kaidan's heart pound more than the anticipation of what they were about to do.

It was reassurance that Kaidan hadn't thought he needed, wordless affirmation - _I've got you_ , those calloused hands seemed to tell him, _I'm not leaving_ \- of things that they wouldn't admit to out loud because both of them were still too stubborn, too proud, too afraid of the greater implications. And he thanked Shepard for it just as wordlessly, with a soft press of lips to the other man's own and a faint smile.

After that there was the pressure, resistance, then a simultaneous gasp from the both of them as Kaidan pushed inside, easing his way in, only to pause after the first handful of centimeters had Shepard throwing his head back and biting his lip, blunt nails digging into Kaidan's back as his muscles went taut. Exhaling shakily, and using every scrap of his self-control to keep still, Kaidan propped himself up with the arm that still kept one of Shepard's legs out of the way, so that he could wrap his other hand around Shepard's length to give him something else to focus on.

"You okay?" Kaidan murmured, watching him. Waiting for him.

"Yeah," came the reply. "Just, hah. Just need a second."

Kaidan hummed in acknowledgement, tugging at Shepard's cock to keep him interested. "Lemme know when." They could take it slow. They had time. Besides, he wanted to savor this, not screw it up; they had done their share of the latter in the beginning, with trysts that ended far too abruptly for one reason or another amidst stammered apologies and embarassed laughter.

It took a bit, but Shepard eventually relaxed, letting out a slow breath as he did. He was flushed, and sweating, but no longer so tight that it almost reached the point of discomfort for Kaidan. Licking his lips, he gave the older biotic the permission he needed with a shaky nod. "M'good."

"Alright." With that, Kaidan started to move again - short little surges of his hips that buried him a little deeper each time, and gave Shepard just enough time to adjust - and it wasn't long before he was fully sheathed inside the younger man's body, with Shepard's muscles gripping and flexing around every inch of him.

Then it was _Kaidan_ who needed a moment to breathe, leaning his head into the crook of Shepard's neck and pause before he could continue his shallow, careful movements. " _God_ you feel good," he rasped, his words a broken moan against Shepard's sweat-slicked skin. He let go of Shepard's cock in favor of having both hands planted in the bedding to hold himself up, not quite trusting one arm to be enough.

Shepard laughed faintly, his hand in Kaidan's hair making an absolute mess of it. One leg wrapped itself around Kaidan's waist and pulled him in even closer, driving him deeper and causing both of them to groan, though the sound Shepard made was more wanton and needy, while Kaidan sounded strained from holding on so tightly to his self-control.

But when a slight shift in angle had Shepard arching up off of the bed with a keening sound, that control took enough of a hit to throw off Kaidan's careful rhythm; he surged forward at that angle again, and Shepard tipped his head back on the pillows, clutching at Kaidan's shoulders.

Kaidan grinned. "Like that, Zach?" he asked - by then, his voice was a low, rough sort of rumble, and he knew from experience that Shepard liked it when it got like that - while he kissed Shepard's conveniently exposed neck.

Shepard just chuckled again, as if the answer were obvious - it was, Kaidan was just a teasing bastard who liked to draw things out - but when Kaidan rolled his hips again, that laugh became a _growl_ , and his fingertips dug into Kaidan's scalp and back almost painfully. "Ohhhh just fucking shut up and _fuck me_ , Major, and that's a fucking _order_."

Technically, he outranked Shepard. He even briefly considered pointing that out for the sake of continuing to tease. Except that was probably the hottest, most appealing goddamn order he'd been given, and the thought of disobeying it just to be contrary was heavily outweighed by the idea that _fuck_ , Shepard was actually _begging_ , and the last of Kaidan's self-control finally slipped away with a crooked grin and a muttered "yes, sir" as he picked up the pace in earnest.

This was where Shepard was at his best, in Kaidan's mind; coming apart underneath him, clinging to him, gasping his name, back curved and hips rocking to whatever pace that Kaidan set. On missions, the way Shepard moved and fought was equal parts terrifying and exciting, with the terror contributing to the thrill. And watching Shepard wrap a room full of politicians around his finger certainly had its appeal as well.

But _this_. Kaidan _loved_ this. Loved that he had the privilege of seeing it, loved that Shepard let him. Loved the man himself more than he'd ever be able to put into words.

And he wasn't quite paying attention anymore to the sounds that he was making, himself - it was probably a good thing Shepard had his own quarters, though - but the ones _Shepard_ made, he _absolutely_ paid attention to, more than any order that any CO had ever given him. Whispered praise, breathless pleading, wordless moans, even muttered curses as the younger biotic neared his peak.

The best part, though, was when Shepard lost himself in it so much that he started to flare.

Biotics did that, sometimes. L3s not so much, but neither of them was an L3, and even with the L2s, Kaidan still enough practice to control it somewhat. Shepard _didn't_. He'd had his L5n implants for a little over a year, and he'd only been with Kaidan in that time. And Kaidan was the kind of person to enjoy it when Shepard lost it.

So when Shepard's biotics started sparking, and he bit his own lip hard enough to split the skin as he tried to hold it in, Kaidan dropped to hold himself up on one elbow as his other hand went between them, right to Shepard's cock.

"Go ahead, Zach," he whispered, right in Shepard's ear. "S'okay."

Shepard jerked in his grip and came with a hoarse shout, and Kaidan couldn't care less about the red stripes the younger man was leaving on his back with those blunt fingernails because of the way Shepard's muscles clenched around him and suddenly everything was lit up with _blue_ \- blue like the sky over Vancouver on a clear winter day, blue like Shepard's bright eyes when he smiled, blue like the clear waters of the northern Pacific - and his skin prickled briefly before Shepard's biotics washed over him like a caress, like a wave breaking over him and--

and he just--

\--oh _God_ he couldn't take it, he couldn't hold on, and there was the sound of something smashing against the floor but he didn't _care_ because he was losing it and biotics weren't supposed to _do_ that, _he_ wasn't supposed to do that but he _was_ , because everything was too much and he wanted to draw it out but he _couldn't_ , so he gave up on resisting it, let it crash into him, let that perfect _blue_ be the thing that overwhelmed him.

\---

"Nnh," Shepard asserted, probably more intelligently than Kaidan could've at that point. Both of them were trembling, sweaty, and sticky, and Kaidan had a mild headache nagging at the back of his awareness from his already-overworked implants deciding to protest even the limited involvement they'd had in bedroom activities.

Overall? He didn't feel too bad at all.

Shepard shifted a little underneath the older biotic, cringing a little and hissing through his teeth. "Oww."

Kaidan blinked tiredly. "Hm?"

"Bitey," Shepard replied with a slight pout.

Ah. Right. "Didn't complain at the time," Kaidan noted. Shepard just snorted and shook his head.

Then he craned his neck to look around at the room. "Broke the sound system." He wasn't too far off; the little eight-in-one surround sound speaker thing Shepard usually kept on his right bedside table (to the left if you were facing the door) was sort of smashed to bits on the floor. _Welp_.

Kaidan shrugged it off. "Least we didn't break the fishtank this time." That had happened once. It had been both mortifying and hilarious, and it had been _completely Kaidan's fault_ , which had somehow made it even funnier to Shepard.

"Yeah, I guess..." Shepard still seemed a little put out by the discovery, though, so Kaidan pushed himself up enough to kiss the man's cheek.

"Hey, we can get a new one next time we hit the Citadel, right?"

"Mm. ...Hey, Kaidan?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

"Love you too, Zach."

Shepard smiled, all sleepy and sated. Then their sleepy, loving moment was shattered when Kaidan's stomach growled, and both of them burst out laughing.

Kaidan was first to recover from their fit of amusement, but he was still chuckling as he nuzzled against Shepard's face in spite of the stubbly scratchiness along the younger man's jaw. "Haha, well, I guess that was a hint. Shower, then food?" And maybe a shave, somewhere in there.

"Agreed. But you're cooking."

"I can do that."

 


End file.
